the clicks, the clacks, the ticks, and the tocks.....
all i've tinkered and wanted to, i miss the most
when you're not near.
should you be far, my clockwork wanes
spirit wilts and the soul fades.
if you were to be much closeby,
as if by surprise, as if renewed,
my clicks react to your clocks,
your ticking synchs with my tocking.
curious by nature, i wax to yearn
to study your inner working;
must quell the learn of how and why
i'm drawn to you.
it seems as though these inherit thoughts
will never cease
until yours and my beats but both,
and lest resounds.
it's compliments in steady synch.

"Call me when you can.... I need to talk to you about something..."  (3:30AM)  She stared blankly at her cell message for  a few moments.  Then she clicked on a button as her cell flipped over to the next message.
"I know you're not sleeping....." (4:04AM)  And this time, she stared for a while longer.  She stared motionless, her feet rigidly stretched across her seat; so motionless that the vibrations and the sways of the bus didn't seem to affect her at all.  It seemed to me that whatever has shaken her to her core in the recent days had turned her other senses into stone, including movement. 
"About that girl...," and before I could read out what her next message had said, she looked over her shoulder and maybe it was the blank stare I was giving her that she noticed, but she must have felt a little uncomfortable. She moved over to a seat on the bus, on the other side.  What I was able to read out was that these were messages the woman had sent to someone.  And by the looks of it, this woman, I'm guessing in her mid twenties, was in the midst of a relationship-based hardship. It was clear in her stance, her empty stares.  Ney, it must have been one of those cryptic blank stares.  You know, the ones where you're so lost in thought and emotions that it just appears like a blank stare.....the heart breaking types....I'm sure a lot of you out there have gone through it before. Whatever the case was, I was able to vicariously share her emotions.
It reminded me of the times when I was going through tough times; when my heart was being broken, shattered.  Painful feelings of having all of your hopes and happiness being turned inside out.  All the moments that were built up in mementos, the blissful experiences of being in love with someone...it hurts more than death itself.  The pain a loved one can give, and the answers they deny you, the pain of slitting your wrists would undoubtedly be more forgiving.
To see this woman go through such a heartache, it made me sad in two ways.  For one, it was something that I wished I would never have to endure ever again, and here was someone I had never met until that very moment, going through one of the most painful experiences in life.  For another, I missed feeling that pain.  I felt sad being all to afraid of going through it again, but more so that I missed amassing all the happiness up until that heartbreak.  I envied her for being able to have gone through all of her memories, which is something that is unconditionally needed to appropriate such a heartbreak.

I guess what i'm trying to say is....I miss being in love.  I miss feeling the ups, and feeling the lows.....

and fuck I can't write like i used to, it's frustrating...

the more i spend my time in Seoul, the more I realize that i have missed out on a lot of worthwhile observations.  I've also come to realize that I love to observe and dare I say.....admire, the intricacies and simplicities of every day life.  There are moments that if you stare hard enough, or precisely the inverse, take a step BACK and take a simpler look, you can learn many of the hardest of life's lessons buried subtly within the minute details of everyday events.  I will go out on a limb and even sound naively idiotic to say that we for sure take granted these very details.  I think that we live in a world where our emotions and physical senses are very much detached from each other.  I reckon that we live in such a mundane society where we are too busy trying to catch up with our day-to-day affairs that we can't even de-construct and process what we see, hear, feel, taste, and smell.  Everyone of these senses are in actuality very acute and sensitive, but our hectic lifestyles in the 21st century tells our emotions that these physical senses are mere sensory overloads, and we simply brush them aside, and move along.  Be it us being wrapped up in our studies, or being chased with deadlines and projects at work, or perchance the energy we spend on our family's well-being, it's undeniable to say that most of us just don't......FEEL..... anymore...how tragic is that!  And to take an extra step to go MORE out on a limb, have we ever wondered what it would be like to transcend this very unity of emotions and senses from the perspective of others?! 

Tragically cliche as it is, let's take the rose as an example.  A fresh, just-bloomed deeply and vibrantly red rose. Have you ever felt the moist velvety texture of the petals before?  You know, run your fingers over the softness and feel the rose?  I'm sure you have.... everyone has....   Now, have you ever smelled a fresh cut rose?  Of COURSE you have, everyone has.....And have you stared at a rose petal before? Have you ever been awed and mesmerized by the vibrant intensity of the color and how distinct the color is, but at the same time, see how muted and fuzzy the details are?  It's as if you're seeing the color of moisture and warmth, of softness and cool, if it were ever possible to see such.  I bet a lot of you have.....

BUT.  have you really ever thought about what made that rose?  Have you really de-constructed the process it took for you to be able to touch, smell, and see the rose?  The molecular precision of the genes within the rose, and even more so, where and how those molecules got there, has that ever crossed our minds?  We know it came from the ground, of course, but where were those molecules before?  What color were those molecules before?  Was it a part of something living before?  How did it get to that area of the petal, and what colored it red?  If those molecules could see, would it see the fascinating circle of life?

WHO MADE ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE?!  Did they plan for me to come across this rose and did he plan for me to admire it so deeply?!

Call me crazy, and call me trivial, but to me, these intricacies and these details that swarm around in my mind.  I may have better things to think about, such as what I'll eat or what I'll do for the weekend.  But then again, who really deemed these things as "better?"  These frivolous details that I pay attention to has caused me to see a lot around this city called Seoul.  I noticed today that Seoul is so crowded that people walk by and brush by so many others that they don't even realize it anymore.  The multitude of people are brushing against each other, sharing and crossing their paths in life, and yet they merely continue on about their business.

I don't know I can really put an end to this thought, because it's still ongoing.  I'm starting to observe more around me, and it keeps me thinking. 

I wonder if we can become a bit more attuned to the relationship between our thoughts and our senses, and whether if it could help us relax and enjoy our lives a bit more.  The world is buzzing around us, but does that mean I have to buzz along with it? 

Can I just stand there and watch it buzz around? Is it so bad for me to just let it buzz around while I simply observe and appreciate it?    yah....i think i'll do just that....

May I suggest to you, yes you, to try to observe the fascinating details of life that is swarming about you during the day?  Maybe just take a look at someone walking by, or the gestures of a stranger across the street.  Maybe even something as simple as trying to feel the asphalt as you walk.  Let's just take a breather and enjoy our  lives and the many around it.......

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." -Henry David Thoreau